Sometimes I really worry about screwing up my kids. So much so that I think I might not have anymore children. . . I mean. . . how bad can a mess up on just three children. And messing up three would be better than messing up five. Right.
So, Rachel has been having a little problem with major tantrums. She is a very headstrong girl. And, frankly, I think it gives her an adrenaline rush to fight a battle, which seems to be the perfect brewing ground for her tantrums. Now, you might think that I would be an expert with such behavior. I mean, I spent all last year dealing with this exact behavior everyday. Alas, many times I get frustrated with her and have to remove myself to my bedroom for prayer and meditation before I do something I may well regret.
Well, I have tried to institute a sticker system. Each kid has 5 things they can do each day to earn a sticker. The stickers can be exchanged for a treat at the store, friday night movies, happy meals, and other fun activities. This plan has been working pretty well. Rachel has been doing better with her tantrums. But, last night I had real success. Rachel was in the throws of a rather huge tantrum. During family scriptures she was playing with a toy telephone.
"Rachel, if I hear that phone make one more noise I am taking it away and you won't get it back for a week."
Shortly thereafter, what did I hear. Oh yes, one more noise. She just had to test the limits. So I took the phone. . . and then the tantrum erupted. But the success came about 2 minutes into the tantrum. She calmed down just a little and I said
"Rachel, do you know what I liked about what you did today?" She stopped and looked at me "What?"
"I liked how nice you were to Emily today. Thank you for being such a good sister."
"Do you know what else I liked about what you did today?"
What?
"I liked that you didn't fight with Ben all day. You did a good job on that today."
And just like that the tantrum ended. I have been thinking about this. I posted a Bill Cosby sketch on facebook today. In it he talks about how parents often get a perma frown on their face. Picking up on the negative, we forget to point out the positive. Well, here's proof that the positive has power to overcome the negative. I spent half of my expensive college years learning it. Positive Power. It's going to be my motto from now on. I can do it!!!
1 comment:
Yay! Good job! That was a good story. It does work wonders to be positive, but it's sometimes hard to do when they are driving you crazy. My sister once used the phrase "time in" instead of "time out"...sometimes when I want to put Chick in timeout I scoop her up and give her a big hug & hold her for a few minutes and just chat, having a "time in" and she responds well EVERY TIME. You'd think I'd remember to do it more often, but I don't.
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