Did I really just spend $100 on diapers and wipes? You do realize that is $1200 over the next year? You do realize that you could have spent that money on a trip to somewhere...anywhere. You do realize that $100 dollars worth of diapers and wipes also means roughly 30 hours of your life spent changing those 350 diapers that came in those two boxes.
Yes. I realize it. I often think of the quote by Anne Campbell.
“You are the trip I did not take, you are the pearls I could not buy,
you are my blue Italian lake, you are my piece of foreign sky.
You are my Honolulu moon, you are the book I did not write,
you are my heart's unuttered tune, you are a candle in my night.
You are the flower beneath the snow, in my dark sky a bit of blue,
answering disappointment's blow with "I am happy! I have you!”
I realize it. On the fifth baby I weighed all the pros and cons of having another baby in our home. In the end...David, I am happy I have you. Nothing else even compares.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Day 18 - Wonderful Husband
It's funny how much power such a small thing can have over life as we know it. A baby turns everything upside down. It's been hard...but it has reminded me how much I love my husband. (Not that I didn't know already. :) One night last week we separated to hit the hay for the night. Nate headed downstairs to zonk on the couch and I prepared for a night in the nursery. A few minutes after we parted Nate returned leaving me my cozy warm robe. The thing I can't live without when I get up at night and have to crawl out of a warm bed. I was too tired to remember it, but he did. He had washed it, dried it, and made sure it was back to me for my night.
Even though Nate is sleeping on the couch during the week when he has to go to work, he is sleeping in our room on the weekend. He does it so we can be together and so he can pitch in on the weekends. It is so nice to go to sleep next to him. It is so nice to wake Nate up to take a turn with David in the middle of the night. It means I get a break just because I want to be done.
Nate has taken over so many things with the older kids since the baby came. We have always divided duties pretty equally when it comes to kid care. Homework, bedtime, stories. Since the baby, Nate just does whatever needs to be done. Even dinner...which is often neglected.
Yesterday I was so tired in the morning I sat feeding the baby and crying. In my mind all I could think was how the life was being drained out of me. I didn't want to leave the house. I didn't really even want to leave my room. The baby is just so much time and effort. I think it happens with every baby. I feel a loss of the life I had. No matter how little free time I had before...with a newborn I have infinitely less. In the afternoon Nate took the baby from me and I finally went shopping. Looking into a closet full of clothes that don't fit and are not longer cute does not help a postpartum woman recover. ;) A few new shirts and a pair of jeans that actually fit later I was feeling much better. :) Amazing what new clothes can do. I was still tired...but I no longer felt like the life was being drained out of me..little by little...feeding by feeding. And...my husband never called me while I was out, even though the baby got hungry and cried for the last little while. I was able to have an hour and a half in which I was free again. I told Nate I might need to go shopping every day for a little while. He just laughed and told me I could as long as I kept my spending under a dollar each day. HAHA.
So, thank you to my husband. Couldn't do this without him...come to think of it...I wouldn't have had to do this without him. LOL!
Even though Nate is sleeping on the couch during the week when he has to go to work, he is sleeping in our room on the weekend. He does it so we can be together and so he can pitch in on the weekends. It is so nice to go to sleep next to him. It is so nice to wake Nate up to take a turn with David in the middle of the night. It means I get a break just because I want to be done.
Nate has taken over so many things with the older kids since the baby came. We have always divided duties pretty equally when it comes to kid care. Homework, bedtime, stories. Since the baby, Nate just does whatever needs to be done. Even dinner...which is often neglected.
Yesterday I was so tired in the morning I sat feeding the baby and crying. In my mind all I could think was how the life was being drained out of me. I didn't want to leave the house. I didn't really even want to leave my room. The baby is just so much time and effort. I think it happens with every baby. I feel a loss of the life I had. No matter how little free time I had before...with a newborn I have infinitely less. In the afternoon Nate took the baby from me and I finally went shopping. Looking into a closet full of clothes that don't fit and are not longer cute does not help a postpartum woman recover. ;) A few new shirts and a pair of jeans that actually fit later I was feeling much better. :) Amazing what new clothes can do. I was still tired...but I no longer felt like the life was being drained out of me..little by little...feeding by feeding. And...my husband never called me while I was out, even though the baby got hungry and cried for the last little while. I was able to have an hour and a half in which I was free again. I told Nate I might need to go shopping every day for a little while. He just laughed and told me I could as long as I kept my spending under a dollar each day. HAHA.
So, thank you to my husband. Couldn't do this without him...come to think of it...I wouldn't have had to do this without him. LOL!
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Day 14 - Hallelujah!
Last night was the first night in two weeks that David was not awake for two or three hours in the middle of the night. Granted, we still had to wake up for feeding every 2 hours...but he went back to sleep afterward. Vast improvement. I go back to work tomorrow. I have high hopes that this change will be permanent.
Yesterday was circumcision day. David hated it! He cried and cried and cried. I was so sad for him. He still cries when I change his diaper. Poor little guy.
Yesterday was circumcision day. David hated it! He cried and cried and cried. I was so sad for him. He still cries when I change his diaper. Poor little guy.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Day 11 - Barely Surviving
Day 11 - So sleep deprived. Nathan slept in the bedroom last night with me and took a turn with David in the middle of the night. I don't know why..but for some reason David thinks that he is supposed to stay awake for two hours in the middle of every night. Yesterday as I was losing my mind a bit my sweet husband sat by me and told me that this part doesn't last very long. It's funny. I think he remembers postpartum better than I do. Today I am still tired...but not so unstable. :) Three more days and I go back to work. It was too short. However, school gets out in 6 weeks and then I have requested part time for next year. Until then, we will muddle through and hopefully find some sense of normalcy.
David is cute as ever. Still just a tiny little guy and sleepy all day. I guess that is good news for my triumphant return to work. No huge milestones to speak of...unless you count finally lowering his bilirubin enough to get rid of those Darn bili lights. He is also getting trained to sleep in his own bed, which is good and one step closer to having a husband back. Though, really, until we have a bedroom for David, Nate will probably spend time on the couch. Poor guy.
Nate came home from church today and told me their lesson was on trials. I teased about the small trial we are going through in adjusting to a baby in the house. He smiled, but then said, in the end he really had nothing to add to the lesson. He goes to class with men that have been through much more life then we have. They have lost children, suffered illnesses, lost a home to a fire. What have Nathan and I seen of trouble. I am thankful that Heavenly Father sees fit to go easy on us for now. And, even with how small and insignificant it is to go through this...I know Heavenly Father will somehow make Nate and I equal to the task in front of us. Thus, eliminating it as a trial at all. It is really just a time of growth. Time when I have thought a lot about each one of my children and what I need to do for them. Time when I turn to prayer more often and begin to find some roots that I have too long neglected. Lack of sleep and a need to have someone get me through each day is good for me.
David is cute as ever. Still just a tiny little guy and sleepy all day. I guess that is good news for my triumphant return to work. No huge milestones to speak of...unless you count finally lowering his bilirubin enough to get rid of those Darn bili lights. He is also getting trained to sleep in his own bed, which is good and one step closer to having a husband back. Though, really, until we have a bedroom for David, Nate will probably spend time on the couch. Poor guy.
Monday, April 8, 2013
5 Days - Survivor
Wow! How in the world do mother's ever forget the first little bit of having a newborn. God has some amazing mind altering powers. Literally, I forgot that it was hard to have a newborn. He is sweet and just amazing but his sleep schedule sucks! Sorry for the strong language. ;) Last night I was pretty much awake from 2am to 6am. Towards 6am I thought I was going to die. Then a beautiful thing happened. We laid down on my bed, he ate, and then he finally drifted off into a deep and lovely slumber. I woke at 8:20 to get the kids up and he still slept until I woke him up to eat again. We have got to get more of that kind of sleep in. The 30 minute short naps in the middle of the night are not going to do me much good.
In nearly 13 year of marriage Nate has never slept on the couch...but I think it is going to become his permanent sleeping place until the basement is done. Don't get the wrong idea. He would be up in a heartbeat to help me when I need it. But, let's face it. Someone in this house is going to have to stay sane. So, Nate has started sleeping on the couch and I guess the baby and I will be co-sleeping more often. It seems to be the one place he really feels comfortable enough to give into his exhaustion.
On the up side...I can't believe how much better my body feels after only five days of being free of my little bundle. SO MUCH BETTER! Nate and I are going to combine forces and join weight watchers. It will be a lot easier for me to lose weight if Nate is working on the same thing. Can't wait to get down to my pre-Ben weight. HAHA. I know, baby steps. But, it is still and exciting thought.
Ending on a good note...I don't want you to think I don't absolutely adore my little David. 5 Days out and David is already easily becoming part of our home. I am especially proud of Sarah who seems to be taking David's arrival like a champ. She is aware of him and has started telling me when he cries. She frequently comes up and holds out her arms so she can hold David. She was running back and forth to him this morning saying "Hi David". She is doing a great job. We are trying to help her feel a responsibility for him just like we all do. It's a fine line to walk making sure she doesn't smother him while letting her get to know him and feel like she is allowed to love him. We will see how the next few weeks go.
I love him. It is an amazing thing to lay a tiny little person against your heart and listen to their soft breathing. Knowing the miracles involved in their creation and arrival. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for him. Which is why, I suppose, I willingly suffer sleep deprivation for him. I am deeply grateful that he is a healthy and perfect little boy. (Let's ignore the jaundice...I hate those bili lights!)
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| Here's what David looks like during the night. |
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| Here is David during the day. :) |
In nearly 13 year of marriage Nate has never slept on the couch...but I think it is going to become his permanent sleeping place until the basement is done. Don't get the wrong idea. He would be up in a heartbeat to help me when I need it. But, let's face it. Someone in this house is going to have to stay sane. So, Nate has started sleeping on the couch and I guess the baby and I will be co-sleeping more often. It seems to be the one place he really feels comfortable enough to give into his exhaustion.
On the up side...I can't believe how much better my body feels after only five days of being free of my little bundle. SO MUCH BETTER! Nate and I are going to combine forces and join weight watchers. It will be a lot easier for me to lose weight if Nate is working on the same thing. Can't wait to get down to my pre-Ben weight. HAHA. I know, baby steps. But, it is still and exciting thought.
Ending on a good note...I don't want you to think I don't absolutely adore my little David. 5 Days out and David is already easily becoming part of our home. I am especially proud of Sarah who seems to be taking David's arrival like a champ. She is aware of him and has started telling me when he cries. She frequently comes up and holds out her arms so she can hold David. She was running back and forth to him this morning saying "Hi David". She is doing a great job. We are trying to help her feel a responsibility for him just like we all do. It's a fine line to walk making sure she doesn't smother him while letting her get to know him and feel like she is allowed to love him. We will see how the next few weeks go.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Baby David is Here!
It's Friday morning. I am slightly exhausted as is Nathan. Little David has arrived and we are finding that he is a lot of work....especially at night. :) He is trying to adjust to his new world and Nate and I are trying to maintain enough sleep to stay sane. Even with all of that, I couldn't be happier to have him here. He is just precious and all boy! That's very important to the boys in the family.
Last week I really wanted to be induced and get the show on the road but my body did not have to same agenda. So, instead we waited another week. Luckily things were looking much better for inducement this week and I was able to go in a couple of days ago to get things going. The labor went really well. SOOOOOO grateful for epidurals. After having mine wear off right before I delivered Sarah last time I made sure I have plenty of it this time. HAHA. I was a bit numb but it was worth it to be able to smile and laugh during delivery. Awesome stuff.
David was an easy little guy to coax out once he was coming. I gave two pretty good pushes and then all I had to do was breathe. He literally slid out a little more with every breath. Two more tiny pushes to get his little shoulders out and that was it. It was almost anti-climatic after 9 months of having him in there. (I am not really complaining. :) He was a healthy 7lbs 2 oz. and 19.5 inches. Cute little shriveled up old man hands and feet. Sweet little face. A bit of dark hair on top. And just so very soft and sweet to touch. He is absolutely adorable. Even better when he was all cleaned up.
After getting out of labor and delivery into a new room we had the kids come over to meet their new little brother. It was really fun. They are all enamored with him, though Sarah is most hesitant. She is doing well being very gentle, loving, and curious about him. But, on the flip side, you can tell she feels the winds are changing. She needs affirmation that we still love her. I know she is not quite sure what is going on. She just knows something is different.
The other kids all took their turns getting introduced to David. The girls were very unselfish felt Ben should be the first to hold him...seeing as he is the little brother Ben has waited for for so long. It was so fun to watch them interact with him. Ben, with all his Ben-ness, was absolutely the most reverent as he held his new little brother. Ben feels especially grateful to have this little guy and it shows.
So begins a new phase in the Baxter household. I am sure seasoned parents like Nate and I can handle all of this...right? I am so glad we are in it together. Four kids was manageable. Five kids feels...wow! Five! :) Go BAXTERS!!!!
Last week I really wanted to be induced and get the show on the road but my body did not have to same agenda. So, instead we waited another week. Luckily things were looking much better for inducement this week and I was able to go in a couple of days ago to get things going. The labor went really well. SOOOOOO grateful for epidurals. After having mine wear off right before I delivered Sarah last time I made sure I have plenty of it this time. HAHA. I was a bit numb but it was worth it to be able to smile and laugh during delivery. Awesome stuff.
David was an easy little guy to coax out once he was coming. I gave two pretty good pushes and then all I had to do was breathe. He literally slid out a little more with every breath. Two more tiny pushes to get his little shoulders out and that was it. It was almost anti-climatic after 9 months of having him in there. (I am not really complaining. :) He was a healthy 7lbs 2 oz. and 19.5 inches. Cute little shriveled up old man hands and feet. Sweet little face. A bit of dark hair on top. And just so very soft and sweet to touch. He is absolutely adorable. Even better when he was all cleaned up.
After getting out of labor and delivery into a new room we had the kids come over to meet their new little brother. It was really fun. They are all enamored with him, though Sarah is most hesitant. She is doing well being very gentle, loving, and curious about him. But, on the flip side, you can tell she feels the winds are changing. She needs affirmation that we still love her. I know she is not quite sure what is going on. She just knows something is different.
The other kids all took their turns getting introduced to David. The girls were very unselfish felt Ben should be the first to hold him...seeing as he is the little brother Ben has waited for for so long. It was so fun to watch them interact with him. Ben, with all his Ben-ness, was absolutely the most reverent as he held his new little brother. Ben feels especially grateful to have this little guy and it shows.
So begins a new phase in the Baxter household. I am sure seasoned parents like Nate and I can handle all of this...right? I am so glad we are in it together. Four kids was manageable. Five kids feels...wow! Five! :) Go BAXTERS!!!!
Egg-cellent Easter!
I know, what a cheesy title. HAHA. Seriously, we had a fabulous weekend. Who didn't? I mean, seriously, the weather was gorgeous and all the stars were aligned for it. :) Saturday Nate spent time working on the electrical for the basement. It is just about finished. I can't believe how much he is done. I know we still have a lot to do, but things are really taking shape and it is possible to imagine what the end product will be much better now than two months ago. IT will probably take us into May to finish Ben's room but that's no biggie. We can make it work until then. Love my hard working, amazing, handy husband.
Anyway, back to our Easter weekend. Saturday the Auntie's (Nate's younger sisters) put together an Easter Egg hunt for the little kiddos. They have always been so amazing to make special cousin events like this. Every year for Halloween and Easter they pull it together. All I have to do is bring my kids. I should probably do more pitching in. I love those girls! Anyway, the kids had a blast, we had a yummy taco dinner and some great fun hanging out as adults too. Nate and I even got a present. A bunch of Nate's family pitched in to buy us a new car seat for the baby. It's by far the nicest car seat we have ever owned. The baby will be snug as a bug in a rug in there. :) Sarah also really likes the seat too. :)
Nate and I have been walking a lot this weekend...trying to get something going with this baby. The walks really made my weekend so relaxing...but haven't done anything toward me going into labor. Grrr. Oh well. Friday we went on a long walk and we were coming down the hill when I tripped. The momentum was so strong I didn't think I was ever going to stop tripping. Luckily I finally came to a stop after about six running steps. I thought that was going to do the job all by it self as I really hurt afterward. Dang it! Sigh...anyway, the walks were really great. I love walking with Nathan. Quiet time to talk without interruption for our super crazy fun kids. We need it more often.
Ok, that was a bit of digression. Sunday turned out great. I was really nervous about Easter this year. I knew that the Easter Bunny was going to stay pretty frugal and I was worried the kids were going to be disappointed. The girls woke up early and had to wait an hour. The Easter bunny left a fun little hunt for the kids, which they loved. They all got aqua zookas and pokemon cards... and candy. Can't wait for that to run out. HAHA. And they were all happy. Not one complaint. Well, there was one.
We had a lovely little sit down breakfast. Nate is the pancake king. Makes the best homemade pancake. I can't even eat the bagged variety anymore. He is really good to try and make one yummy breakfast every week. So, we all sat down for breakfast and I pulled out the scriptures so we could have a little morning devotional. We talked about the atonement and had a nice discussion. The kids were quiet and didn't joke around. I ended and thought how perfect it was...then I looked at Rachel who was frowning at me. Her complaint..."Now we have to go to church and hear the same lesson over and over again". My perfect parent bubble burst as I realized something important in the message I just shared must be missing if right afterward my child did not want to go to church and hear more. HAHA. Well, we still got ready and went to church.
The afternoon consisted of the kids playing with their zookas in the back yard... in their swimsuits. OK.. I said the weather was nice, but swimsuit nice? I think the kids are crazy! However, they did have a dandy time. Then we had a super enjoyable dinner with mom and dad Stalker. It was really fun to have them over. I love big family things...but much less stressful to have just mom and dad. Then the kids went to Grandma and Grandpas for a little while and Nate and I got to take another nice walk with Sarah. Maybe I need an increase in stress to help me into labor. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe my weekend was just too relaxing.
Well, here's to hoping I can get the baby here this week. My due date is today. I hope my next post will be to introduce our bundle. Please, please, please!!!!
Anyway, back to our Easter weekend. Saturday the Auntie's (Nate's younger sisters) put together an Easter Egg hunt for the little kiddos. They have always been so amazing to make special cousin events like this. Every year for Halloween and Easter they pull it together. All I have to do is bring my kids. I should probably do more pitching in. I love those girls! Anyway, the kids had a blast, we had a yummy taco dinner and some great fun hanging out as adults too. Nate and I even got a present. A bunch of Nate's family pitched in to buy us a new car seat for the baby. It's by far the nicest car seat we have ever owned. The baby will be snug as a bug in a rug in there. :) Sarah also really likes the seat too. :)
Nate and I have been walking a lot this weekend...trying to get something going with this baby. The walks really made my weekend so relaxing...but haven't done anything toward me going into labor. Grrr. Oh well. Friday we went on a long walk and we were coming down the hill when I tripped. The momentum was so strong I didn't think I was ever going to stop tripping. Luckily I finally came to a stop after about six running steps. I thought that was going to do the job all by it self as I really hurt afterward. Dang it! Sigh...anyway, the walks were really great. I love walking with Nathan. Quiet time to talk without interruption for our super crazy fun kids. We need it more often.
Ok, that was a bit of digression. Sunday turned out great. I was really nervous about Easter this year. I knew that the Easter Bunny was going to stay pretty frugal and I was worried the kids were going to be disappointed. The girls woke up early and had to wait an hour. The Easter bunny left a fun little hunt for the kids, which they loved. They all got aqua zookas and pokemon cards... and candy. Can't wait for that to run out. HAHA. And they were all happy. Not one complaint. Well, there was one.
We had a lovely little sit down breakfast. Nate is the pancake king. Makes the best homemade pancake. I can't even eat the bagged variety anymore. He is really good to try and make one yummy breakfast every week. So, we all sat down for breakfast and I pulled out the scriptures so we could have a little morning devotional. We talked about the atonement and had a nice discussion. The kids were quiet and didn't joke around. I ended and thought how perfect it was...then I looked at Rachel who was frowning at me. Her complaint..."Now we have to go to church and hear the same lesson over and over again". My perfect parent bubble burst as I realized something important in the message I just shared must be missing if right afterward my child did not want to go to church and hear more. HAHA. Well, we still got ready and went to church.
The afternoon consisted of the kids playing with their zookas in the back yard... in their swimsuits. OK.. I said the weather was nice, but swimsuit nice? I think the kids are crazy! However, they did have a dandy time. Then we had a super enjoyable dinner with mom and dad Stalker. It was really fun to have them over. I love big family things...but much less stressful to have just mom and dad. Then the kids went to Grandma and Grandpas for a little while and Nate and I got to take another nice walk with Sarah. Maybe I need an increase in stress to help me into labor. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe my weekend was just too relaxing.
Well, here's to hoping I can get the baby here this week. My due date is today. I hope my next post will be to introduce our bundle. Please, please, please!!!!
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