February in Review

Let's see if I can pick up some of the missing pieces of February before it is gone for good. This month Ben sang with his class at the Harmon's grocery store. Now if you know Ben, you know that Ben does not put up with annoyances very well. So, there was the entire 1st grade in Harmon's singing away. Ben was standing by this girl. . . she was a head taller than him. Ben was having a great time singing. On the last song Ben kept including actions. . . probably ones they had learned with it, but I don't think they were supposed to be using them there. Anyway, this girl next to Ben kept getting after him about it. Finally, the song ended. All was quiet, except I saw this girl get after Ben again. Suddenly he turns to her and yells "I wasn't doing that!" He got pulled out of the group until they lined up to leave. However, in his defense, this girl was annoying him the entire time. I would have yelled at her too.
Of course, there was this other incident. The chorister in our primary works in the lunch room at Ben's school. She told me that the other day Ben got into a yelling match with another student in the lunch room. Lucky for me, my friend keeps an eye on Ben, so she ran out to take care of it. . . and probably kept Ben out of trouble. Apparently this other kid said Ben was not very good at basketball. Oh, imagine. Ben, who is pretty easily offended took great offense at this. How could someone say something like that. Sounds like Nate and I need to get out and play a little basketball with Ben.
Yesterday we did mommy/daughter, daddy/son dates. Ben and Nate went to play lazer tag and race track. The girls and I got our hair done and went to watch cousins Nikki and Sidney dance at a competition here in Ogden. We had a great time. Rachel was mesmerized by all the beautiful costumes and dancing. Maybe we will finally get her some dance lessons.
February 2010. . . over. I wonder where we will be in February of 2011.

That's Not a Word

This last little bit I have been playing Facebook Scrabble with a few in my family. Last week Nate and I started playing eachother. Last night we were playing. Rachel was watching me as I tried to brainstorm some way to use an X. When I brain storm I try all kinds of things. Hey, I have a limited vocabulary, so I am always trying to stumble on a word that is not currently in my vocabulary. I had laid ASEX down. Rachel laughed and said "SEX. Mom, that's not a word." Nathan was just agreeing with her when Ben piped in "SEXY!" Hmm. . . we couldn't find a way around that one. We just changed the subject. I am going to have to be more careful with that X.

Danger: Way too Personal

I have thought about what to write here or if I should write anything at all. The outcome is, though this is probably too personal for a normal blog, it is cleansing to get it out to a small group of friends.

I erased my last couple of posts so if you didn't already know, we lost our baby. It was almost a week ago that I found out. Thursday, dreading what was about to happen we checked into the hospital to get the miscarriage going. They gave me a medication to soften my cervix. I was afraid the pain was going to be bad, but I labored mild for about twelve hours and then it was over. I only had to have one dose of pain medicine. Once the baby was out we found out it was a boy. He got the cord wrapped around his leg really tight. It cut off the blood flow. The doctor said that it is very rare for the cause of death to be a cord accident so the chances of my next pregnancy being normal are good.

I thought I had dealt pretty well with things. By the time Thursday came I didn't even need to cry anymore, but coming home, everything over, was harder than I imagined. It was a overwhelmingly empty feeling. I was so thankful to have Nathan with me every step. Our family gave us the entire weekend to just be together while they kept our kids. We needed it and enjoyed the time we had together. Although, by the end we were both anxious to have the commotion return to our home. We were missing the kids.

How do I really feel about all of this. I feel that it wasn't God's will for us to raise this little boy. I am ok with that. Just wish I could have. :) And. . . I am so thankful for my noisy, naughty, wonderful children. Never have I been more grateful that they made it to me to make my life what it is today.

So, the far too personal blog is done. I went back to work today. It feels good to try to return to normal. . . like how I just asked the kids who had stinky feet and Ben replied "it's me. I have fart feet." Thank goodness for children who are able to leave sadness behind and return to normal easily. They make it easier for me too.

Mother Guilt

I am two weeks into my new job now. . . really three if you count my first week in which I did nothing. :) I received my first paycheck. . . and consequently, since I am on a salary, I still got paid that week. Getting a paycheck again was awesome. So far I am liking my job. Last week was my first week using my online classroom. Admittedly, it was a little scary and awkward. I got through it though and next week will be much easier. The students are all nice kids and I had a lot of fun getting to know them. I like working with a little bit older student. They have a bit more of an opinion in life. I have two students here in Ogden so I talked with the parents about visiting them. I might as well get to see some faces.

In the end though, work is still work. I get up, get Ben ready and off to school, then I come home and go to work. Some days I work for a couple hours and then break. Those days are better because i can give a bit of attention to the girls. Wednesday's it seems like i am scheduled non stop. Last Wednesday was really hard on the girls. I may have to get a sitter once a week. Friday I had done my break, but I could see the girls were still bored. I had to get back online so I did something desperate. I got out paints, real word painting paint, gave the girls some wood blocks and left them to paint there hearts out. The whole time I thought I must be crazy. . . but actually, they did very well. Two hours later when I emerged from my office (unfortunately, that is also my bedroom) there was no paint on the floor and the blocks were painted. Rachel even put her name on the blocks.

I know it's hard on them. I sat down with Rachel and reasoned with her in terms of money. I told her how much I make an hour. She was amazed. . . I mean.. . I doesn't take much to amaze a 5 year old who thinks in terms of the toys she could buy with that money. It's hard not to feel guilty about not being there 100%, but at least I am there. I still feel very lucky, even with my guilt, that I got this job. Especially with so many teachers being laid off this year after many districts doing major budget makeovers. There are going to be a lot of people looking for jobs. So, once again, I am so thankful for this blessing.

Goodbye January

It's the last day of January. I thought I would just wrap things up with a few things I forgot or wanted to blog.

The other night Emily was sitting on Nate's lap talking with him. I said "Dad is such a sucker for little girls." We continued talking for a bit and Nate was playing with Emily. I said "Dad's nice." Then Emily responded. . ."Yes, but Dad is not a lollipop." At first Nate and I looked at each other wondering where she got that until we recalled the sucker statement. We had a little giggle.

We always do our family home evening on Sunday nights. Tonight we played a game that Nate used in his primary lesson today. Since Nate is in the Bishopric he had to come in and teach the 5th Sunday Sharing Time for primary. It was really good. He talked about service. He shared how when he was a kid his mom made he and his brothers learn to sing and dance together so they could perform for the old folks. He talked about how he hated it at the time. . . but how it taught him so much about service.

(Can you guess which one is Nate?)

Then he played a game with the kids. They had a spoon hooked onto a dowel. They had to figure out how to eat M and M's with the super long spoon. Of course, the answer, was to serve others by feeding someone else. The kids loved the game and so we played it again for family home evening.

Nate got the idea from a thought book he kept from his mission. The story talks about a man who dreams about hell. He gets there and there are people surrounding a table set with a delicious meal. But the only utensil they have is so long they can't eat. Then he goes to heaven, and sees the same scene, only this time the people are happily enjoying their meal because they are feeding each other. Clever.

So, February will start with me truly getting into my new job. I go to Salt Lake tomorrow for a training meeting. I also get to pick up my laptop. . . hehehe. . . a laptop no one can use but me. Exciting. I am liking this job already. I still have a lot to learn but hopefully within a week I will be going full speed ahead.

I am not sorry to say goodbye to January. It is always a long and cold month. Actually, it went by fairly fast. . . but it was cold and gloomy. Only one more month and then we will start seeing some signs of spring again. I was thinking about it today. Although I hate winter, nothing beats those first moments when the snow melts and everything is reborn. It is a reminder to me of the constancy of the human spirit. How, even when we are beaten down, seemingly to the bottom, rebirth and continued growth are an absolute fact. True life. . . the divine spirits within every one of us, can never be beaten.

My New Job

I am doing all the paperwork and training for my new job this week. . . and I will technically start next week sometime. I must say, it is very exciting and a little intimidating. It is like that every time I change jobs. So, if you are curious about the school here's a link. Utah Virtual Academy.

So far I have trained in Illuminate. . . the online meeting room they use for all meetings and teacher/student lessons. I also learned a little about the reading program they use to help struggling readers. Both are really cool. I will have 16 students in 6th and 7th grade. These students have a regular education teacher. I just do support and enrichment in areas where they are struggling. This is exciting to me when compared to the self contained classrooms I have taught in previously. I had to teach all the subjects in those classrooms plus make accommodations for any differences in the students learning levels, not to mention the major project of behavior management. It was very hard to be successful in academics that way. So, essentially, now I will just give extra support to kids in math and reading. Most of whom will have a learning disorder, autism, or a health impairment that keeps them at home.

I feel very blessed. . . I couldn't have asked for something better. Really, I knew I needed to go back to work. I prayed and prayed things would work out ok for the girls. I never dreamed there would be a teaching job I could do at home. Whenever I think about it I am amazed that this worked out. I just knew 2010 would bring good things to our family. . . and we are just beginning.

Rock a Bye Baby

Here is the earliest possible picture I could have of a baby. I got this because I freaked out when I first found out I was pregnant. Two years ago I had a tubal pregnancy and had to be rushed into emergency surgery. So, I panicked and was super worried I might have another tubal. I won't go into how pathetic I was. My doctor was very kind and pretended that it was normal for me to be so psycho. To make me feel better I got this picture of our baby when it was just a sweet little ball. Hello baby.

At my first official appointment I got to see another view of this beautiful little kid. I couldn't believe what had changed in just a few weeks. Kind of cute, don't you think.

Finally, at 12 weeks I got this picture of our little one. You should have seen that kid moving around during the sonogram. Flailing of the arms and legs. Again, I just couldn't believe the life that was going on in there. It's miraculous. I am thankful. So, keep growing little one.

I know, this baby has a face only a mother could love.